I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
