walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize