Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
