He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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