I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
