Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
