Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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