Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
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You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
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Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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