I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.