i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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