We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
