I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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