I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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