I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
