I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
there's paper in my vomit.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
