that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
