She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
