I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
