I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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