id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
