I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
