do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
