he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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