it's too hot outside to masturbate.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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