I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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