i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
