I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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