I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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