11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize