I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
