Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
