If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
