update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
