I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
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I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize