Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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