Duck Duck Cougar?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
