I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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