hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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