I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
