i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
love makes seman taste better
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
