i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
