Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
