My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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