I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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