none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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