Im at strip club and am horny
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
