Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
