a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
