hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
