tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
