you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
