You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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