The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize