I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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