i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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