i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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