Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
