now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
