I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
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Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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