M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
