I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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