considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
