the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
