I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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