..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He kissed a someone with a penis
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
