you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
