i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
