Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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