there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
